‘The Sun Also Rises’ - Improving my Diet - Part 8

Hello blog.

I had a packet of Wispa Bites and a Coke Zero. There you go. There’s my Sin.

I vowed to try to eat healthier. I still intend to follow that. However, I vowed to try. I did elaborate previously that vowing to try does not mean excusing a failure of willpower. However, I have detected a further nuance in this, and I will hope I am not making this point for only expedient reasons.

If I intend to carry this vow on forever, there will be many, many circumstances where I am presented with food options and their degree of healthiness in comparison to each other is up for debate.

So if I am completely stringent about this vow and consider it a sin to eat the less healthy option, what about when I am unsure? What about when there are subjective pros and cons? After all, no food choice is all good or all bad.

I suppose the point I’m making is, I need to try my best and try to be as healthy as can be. However, I can’t flog myself for slip-ups here and there. I had eggs for breakfast today- this is healthier than a store-bought sandwich. However, the sandwich is likely to have less cholesterol. So who’s to be the judge of that nuance? Hopefully, you see my point.

So I will pray for forgiveness for my consumption of this chocolate and soda. I did think of God while I was consuming it, and the vow I was breaking. I just found these things stashed in the back of the fridge and decided I was going to consume them.

Dear Lord,

I apologise for straying from the path of this vow.
Please accept my apologies.

Please guide me to make better choices.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Yesterday I had lunch and dinner (usually I will be eating breakfast and dinner but I woke up late). As far as I remember, I did not snack. I had no caffeine and no ‘high-sugar stuff’ like chocolate, that I can recall. I slept 8 hours last night, and I had a super interesting dream. Apparently, when you disrupt sleep, due to one substance or another (caffeine and alcohol are examples) you create a loop of deprivation. When you finally give up that substance, your brain makes up for it with a slew of dreams. Anyway, it was today that I slipped up. As my mum always says though, you can always get right back on track. So I did. I didn’t let myself indulge the rest of the day simply on account of this incident.

I’ll tell you why I am proud of myself: I was really seriously about to go down the road and buy even more junk food. I managed to stop myself from doing that just now. (It’s now nearly 8pm, my lunch was around 11am). All these hours later, and despite my yearning for food, I managed to not. I managed to use willpower.

That’s it. 2 meals a day. No snacks.

Thank you, God.

UPDATE: 18/07/2025 [Friday]

I won’t pretend I haven’t broken vows knowingly since I wrote this entry. I’ve been snacking and biting at many oppertunities. I’ve been doing better than before, but it’s still a problem. Knowingly breaking a vow is no joke. I get it.

I went to London with a friend on Wednesday. I went hard on the caffeine to survive the city. I avoided sugary food for the most part but ate at more intervals than I should’ve.

On a few occasions I went down the shop again to buy chocolate. I did it yesterday and I ate until I felt sick again. I did it today, I knew what I was doing. And I still did it.

However, there are some diamonds of hope in the rough of my decadance.

I have two, half-consumed diet coke bottles in the house. While I had other sodas today and yesterday, these two cokes are sitting around because I had the self-control not to drink them close to bed time. This is because of the effect of caffiene on sleep. This is evidence of my ability to consider the future over the immediate. So that’s a good sign in the context of habit.

Tomorrow I am going to Legoland with my Beavers troupe. Then we are camping. It’s gonna be a bit full-on by all accounts.

I said something to my mum about stocking up on diet cokes for tomorrow (for the caffiene), my excuse being that I need the energy.

I remember now that an oath is an oath. I am supposed to be keeping it. So I didn’t go down the road in that moment. My mum asked why I changed my mind; I said something like I don’t want to make excuses for myself. All I need tomorrow is God. If I can go this weekend without consuming snacks and sticking to 2 meals a day etc., then I am set up to carry that on. I can return on Sunday with my resolve even more fastened.

I chose to not drink those diet cokes. I consumed soda between times, but one of those half-drank cokes is sitting next to me, staring at me. I’m not drinking it. I also chose to not buy a bunch of sodas for tomorrow. I bought junk food and sodas earlier; my mum likely cottoned on to this. Part of my motivation for not heading out again might have been to show my mother that I am disciplined. I like to think I’m being more accountable, on my own terms or on other people’s. I think Jesus is guiding me in this decision. I might be a little tired tomorrow but then I should just be tired. It doesn’t nessecitate harming my body and breaking a vow in any case. I’ve done that enough. I did pray for forgiveness, for breaking the vow again.

There are no excuses, it’s you and your decisions.

I’m a fallen creature who’s been sinning. I am tending in a better direction, however. On my desk is a book I should’ve read for uni: The Sun also Rises by Earnest Hemingway. I was looking for inspiration for the title of this blog update. The Sun Also Rises grabbed me. It struck me as a positive title, in a melancholic manner. It suggests a state of negativity juxtaposed against the possibility of a batter condition.

I say all this as a dumb lad who didn’t actually read it. Apparently, ‘The title is an apt depiction both of the despair of the Lost Generation of which Hemingway was a part as well as the potential for optimism in the perpetual rising of the sun.’

Sounds like I was about right. See? Who actually needs to read the books? Joking!

I feel like Hemingway’s novel. I’m in a fallen state, but the sun also rises [in the name of God].

A little bit of willpower is shimmering in the dark. Thank you Jesus. Guide me this weekend. It’s half eleven at night, time to sleep. That’s another thing requiring my attention.

When I get back I need to sort out my journal and other ‘life admin’ stuff. My daily routine is still being half-assed.

Oh right, sleep.

Sincerely,

Jed.

Update: 21/07/2025

I kept my promises to myself, with a couple of exceptions. In a couple of absent-minded moments I did snack on some biscuits, only remembering my vow once I was already chewing. So there’s that.

Aside from that, I think I did really well this weekend. Sleep-deprived, tired, on-the-go for two whole days; that’s Scout Camp life. And I ate two meals a day on both days, savoury, proper meals. I’m happy with that. I did have a bowl of fruit today as an extention of dinner, I’m wondering if I should make a habit of doing so.

I was really happy with myself that I managed to be healthy in spite of stress and responsibility. I could’ve really done with a diet coke, but I’m fine without. I did have some zero-sugar lemonade this afternoon, it’s not caffeinated- and again- I just wasn’t thinking about my goals. As young Nathan Drake says in Uncharted 4, ‘ I’ll save it for confession’.

I’m grateful to have been given this willpower by God. May it continue.

I wasn’t going to let a weekend of exertion exist as my excuse. These dietary and lifestyle principles should be constant; the fact that ‘I’ve got stuff to do this weekend’ is irrelevent.

I more or less did it.

Happy days,

Regards,

Jed.